What you’re about to read is an extremely moving story. I should know, because I am an exceptionally moving person. In fact, I have moved at least fourteen times in my adult life, and probably more than ten in my childhood (including to and from other countries, because, before I was a plain old Brat,…

With my mid-life wedding looming at the end of September, I woke one day in early August knowing that the cute little blue lace dress I’d bought for the ceremony was no longer going to fit.  In the way of my people, however, I let at least a few weeks go by before I allowed…

Once upon a midnight, Dearie (an hour I squandered, sleepless, bleary, Over many a fake or spurious volley of “Words” I do deplore — Like “qi” or “za” or “jota”; “xiing”!?), suddenly there came a dinging: A faint, but steady, singing, pinging, from my cell phone on the floor. “Oy,” my fiancé muttered, sleeping. “Turn…

(Revised to Protect the Innocent) Question:   Heather, how do you do it?  How do you keep your marriage fresh and exciting after nearly five whole months, while still managing to drive your kids around, post a blog once a week, and play at least two rounds a day of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?…

As we discussed several blogs ago, finding the not-quite-perfect dress for your mid-life wedding shouldn’t be your sole focus as the big day draws near: sooner or later, you’re going to have to pick a husband to complete your look.  And while I’m a big proponent of The Old Ways Are The Best Ways school…

Scene 5: Queen at the King of Prussia Mall (In which our future family goes shopping in Philadelphia.) (to the tune of “Bohemian Rhapsody”) “Me”:  Is this a good dress? Does it look fat on me? If 4’s my pant size Why the hell is it squashing me? Nope, that’s too wide. I can’t be…

Lately, I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that you’ve begun to question my credentials as a mid-life wedding fashion advice-giver (mostly because I’ve been reading your blog, “Who Died And Made You The Mid-life Wedding Fashion Expert?”).  And while I want you to know that I think your writing, minus the spelling and grammar errors (the…

So I got a letter from Neiman Marcus yesterday.  I know what you’re thinking (because, if my WordPress Stats mean anything, they mean that “you” are pretty much just “me,” checking in from different computers to see whether anyone has read my blog).  You’re thinking: But you haven’t been to Neiman Marcus since the Reagan…

“You seem a little blue today,” the Actual Ghost says to me, because I guess he must have died in a time before irony, or because maybe he has no idea that he is, in fact, entirely blue.  “What is it?” he asks.  “The two-hour delay?” After a vaguely disappointing turn hosting the Golden Globes,…