Heather Aronson

Author: Heather Aronson

  • 12 1/2 Rules For Having A Happy Marriage

    Guess what, you guys? We did it! We made it all the way to two entire years of marriage, which is like 17 for people who aren’t naturally as irritable and annoying as Mr. and Mrs. Meanopause are! And because, as everyone knows, 17 is the “List Anniversary,” I have decided to share with you…

  • Rainbow Swift

    My name is “Pittsburgh,” and for a couple of magical hours on a balmy, almost-summer night, I am one of Taylor Swift’s besties, along with, according to the video that runs on gigantic screens on either side of the stage, a couple of cats, Lena Dunham, and a bunch of other famous girls in black,…

  • Storage Solutions: Where to Put the Pain

    Thanks to climate change, we’ve gone from light snow to heavy shvitzing in the space of a couple of weeks. For some of you, this shift comes as a relief: you missed the opportunity for a thorough spring cleaning (unless you managed to do it during spring, which this year fell between the hours of…

  • Time After Time

    Listening to music isn’t just about hearing melodies and parsing lyrics, but about replaying the memories a song evokes. Just as a movie’s soundtrack can vividly summon its scenes (the way “Stuck In the Middle With You” can give you the Reservoir Dogs shudders, or “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” suggests that a fun thing…

  • You Are Here

    I woke up on my 53rd birthday a few weeks ago (no no, don’t worry–I’m not one of those sad little people who refuses a gift out of spite, just because it’s late) with a startling revelation: that I am a bad witch. And while, as a bad witch, I can’t possibly have any idea…

  • Non, Je Ne Gret Rien (Nor Am I Planning to Gret Again)

    Let me just say this straight out: Yes, it is exhausting to be a professional Know-It-All. From the moment I wake, people are always seeking my advice, asking me complicated, intricate questions like “What time is it, anyway?” and “Seriously, 3:15 a.m.?” and “Why the fuck don’t you ever sleep?” And it only gets worse…

  • Are You Okay, Blog? You Look…Tired.

    Me? No, I’m fine. Are you sure? Because you’ve got that thing going, on your masthead? You know, like, just below where it says “Meanopause,” there’s like, this, divot? What, that? Uh huh. Like a worry divot, maybe, or, like, from frowning? That’s just some dirt on your screen or something. Okay, but also, it’s…

  • Summary of Important Changes to Our Privacy Policy

    Summary of Important Changes to Our Privacy Policy   As of January 23st, 2015, MEANopause™ has revised its Privacy Policy. This summary is meant to help you understand how these important changes may affect you in the upcoming months. Section 1 — Introduction To the paragraph that begins “We recognize that some stories . .…

  • Hey Blog, Bae, Where You Been?

    Hello and Happy New Year from the corporate offices of Meanopause™, here on the icy banks of the River of Trucks that are Always Blocking my Driveway! We hope you’ve had a very happy holiday, and that you weren’t too inconvenienced by our recent outages. We’ll be up and running weekly again by the end…

  • Forensic Guiles, Cont. (Sort Of)

    Actual Ghost: Hey guys, long time no see! Exposition Fairy: Ha! That’s what she said. Actual Ghost: I’m sorry, what? Exposition Fairy: That’s what she said. Actual Ghost: I’m not following you. Exposition Fairy: Great! I’m not going anywhere. Actual Ghost: No, I mean, I don’t get it. That’s what who said, and what did…